Greetings readers,
Today's post will be a bit shorter than the others. Yes, I did accomplish my goal, but it was not in a way that I have been doing it in the past three days.
Today, I went to a church that I know of here in town. They give out food every Wednesday to the homeless. I had arranged previously to volunteer there, so I went and served food to the homeless.
I know that some of you are going to think that this is a cop-out, but still, it accomplishes my goal.
As I served each and every person who came up to me, I smiled at them and dished out their food. Not many of them smiled back, but a few did.
What makes this day special, is that after I was done serving, I went among them and talked to as many of them as I could. Never did anything special get mentioned, we simply discussed whatever random things came to mind. As they ate, I talked to them.
It was here that I got more people to smile at me. It was here that, even small, I knew that I was making a difference in someone's life. For some of these homeless people, this is one of the few guaranteed meals that they will get each week. These are people who are at the bottom of the hole, yet most of them can still find it in them to smile. You just have to coax it out of them at times.
Working at the church, I found a sense of peace come over me. Perhaps I shall make this something that I do every Wednesday. Who knows...
For now, I shall continue with my life goal. Already I can tell that the disease is starting to affect me. I feel tired more than I should, and what happened yesterday, with pushing the car. It was not a quirk. I tested this out by moving around heavy boxes at the church. It wore me out again, more than it would have before this disease.
It has now been just over 1 month since my diagnosis. If the doctor was right, then I have just under 2 months left to live. At this point, I have only 2 hopes. 1 is that I can continue to bring happiness to other people. The other is that I am alive when it comes time for my 22nd birthday, in October.
Remember readers, life is short. Do not waste it.
Until next time,
B
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Day 3
Greetings readers,
So, here we are at the close of Day 3 out of... however many days I have left.
Today, my goal was met in a way entirely unexpected. I met with R this morning, we had breakfast over at her place and we spent the morning simply hanging out. Since she will be going to classes this semester, she wanted to get together with me at least one more time before they start this week, on Thursday.
It was quite the enjoyable morning, we watched a movie after breakfast, and just hung out and talked. Just after lunch, she had to go to work, so I was driving back to my apartment. The distance between her apartment and mine is almost 1 mile, so it is not far really.
On the drive back, I noticed a car that was in the far right lane, flashing it's emergency blinkers. I pulled up behind the car to see what was the matter. After getting out of my car, I approached the other car to find a man standing by the driver's side door, and a very young girl, perhaps around 3 or 4 years old, in the backseat.
I asked the man what the problem was, and he told me that he was driving down the road, picking his daughter up from her daycare. He slowed down because the car in front of him was slowing down. When he tried to accelerate the car after that, the car sputtered and died.
First off, I offered to help him push the car off of the road and onto a nearby side-street about 50 feet down. The two of us combined managed to get the car rolling enough to where it moved into the side-street, with the man walking by the driver's side and steering the car when needed and around the turn.
Now, readers should be aware that pushing this car, a feat that, while hard, I would normally be able to do without any problems, took a lot out of me. Even pushing it a mere 50 feet and around a corner, taxed my strength. I do not know if this was a quirk, or if my disease is starting to show itself in that way. Each morning for the past month, I have been doing the exercises that my doctor told I should, and I have not been noticing any changes in the strenuous activity. But it might also be that the exercises are so minor that I would not notice anything unless I was hooked up to some machine designed to monitor those things.
Anyway, after pushing the car, and making the excuse that I was a bit out of shape as to why I was breathing so hard, I went back to my car and drove it to the side-street as well. I went back to the man, where I had him pop the hood and then try and start the car. It coughed and it wheezed, but it would not start.
Lacking anything better to try, I pulled my car up so that it was facing his, and we attempted to jump his battery. Unfortunately, no such luck. The car still would not start. I will be the first to admit that I have very little experience with cars, so other than jumping one or changing a tire, I am pretty much useless.
The man thought about it for a while. I offered him my backseat for both himself and his daughter, seeing as to how it was a very hot day and at least my car had working air-conditioning. He sat in my backseat with his daughter for a few minutes, cooling off, while I stood just outside the driver's side door.
Eventually, he took out his cell phone and called a tow truck, for lack of any ideas. He told me that I could go home, but I said that I would wait with him until the tow truck arrived.
Fast-forward to an hour later, and not only was the tow truck just then arriving, but in the last hour, the man and I had learned a bit about each other. After all, when two people are thrown together like this and waiting, we had nothing better to do besides talk to each other.
The tow truck arrived and I waited as the tow-man put the man's car on the tow truck. After the car was on the tow truck, I offered to take the man anywhere he wanted in town, rather than ride with the tow truck simply to the auto repair center.
The man smiled and accepted my offer. He told the tow truck man where to take his car, and then he strapped his daughter into my backseat, before climbing into the passenger side.
I drove the two of them to their house, or at least somewhere by their house, I'm not sure if it was their house exactly. The man smiled and thanked me profusely as he got out, collecting his daughter and setting off towards the house that I had pulled up in front of.
I went back to my apartment, full of happiness that I had helped to make someone's day a little better.
As for the plan that I alluded to yesterday, well, fortunately that plan is flexible, so I shall just save it for someday when it is needed.
Until next time,
B
So, here we are at the close of Day 3 out of... however many days I have left.
Today, my goal was met in a way entirely unexpected. I met with R this morning, we had breakfast over at her place and we spent the morning simply hanging out. Since she will be going to classes this semester, she wanted to get together with me at least one more time before they start this week, on Thursday.
It was quite the enjoyable morning, we watched a movie after breakfast, and just hung out and talked. Just after lunch, she had to go to work, so I was driving back to my apartment. The distance between her apartment and mine is almost 1 mile, so it is not far really.
On the drive back, I noticed a car that was in the far right lane, flashing it's emergency blinkers. I pulled up behind the car to see what was the matter. After getting out of my car, I approached the other car to find a man standing by the driver's side door, and a very young girl, perhaps around 3 or 4 years old, in the backseat.
I asked the man what the problem was, and he told me that he was driving down the road, picking his daughter up from her daycare. He slowed down because the car in front of him was slowing down. When he tried to accelerate the car after that, the car sputtered and died.
First off, I offered to help him push the car off of the road and onto a nearby side-street about 50 feet down. The two of us combined managed to get the car rolling enough to where it moved into the side-street, with the man walking by the driver's side and steering the car when needed and around the turn.
Now, readers should be aware that pushing this car, a feat that, while hard, I would normally be able to do without any problems, took a lot out of me. Even pushing it a mere 50 feet and around a corner, taxed my strength. I do not know if this was a quirk, or if my disease is starting to show itself in that way. Each morning for the past month, I have been doing the exercises that my doctor told I should, and I have not been noticing any changes in the strenuous activity. But it might also be that the exercises are so minor that I would not notice anything unless I was hooked up to some machine designed to monitor those things.
Anyway, after pushing the car, and making the excuse that I was a bit out of shape as to why I was breathing so hard, I went back to my car and drove it to the side-street as well. I went back to the man, where I had him pop the hood and then try and start the car. It coughed and it wheezed, but it would not start.
Lacking anything better to try, I pulled my car up so that it was facing his, and we attempted to jump his battery. Unfortunately, no such luck. The car still would not start. I will be the first to admit that I have very little experience with cars, so other than jumping one or changing a tire, I am pretty much useless.
The man thought about it for a while. I offered him my backseat for both himself and his daughter, seeing as to how it was a very hot day and at least my car had working air-conditioning. He sat in my backseat with his daughter for a few minutes, cooling off, while I stood just outside the driver's side door.
Eventually, he took out his cell phone and called a tow truck, for lack of any ideas. He told me that I could go home, but I said that I would wait with him until the tow truck arrived.
Fast-forward to an hour later, and not only was the tow truck just then arriving, but in the last hour, the man and I had learned a bit about each other. After all, when two people are thrown together like this and waiting, we had nothing better to do besides talk to each other.
The tow truck arrived and I waited as the tow-man put the man's car on the tow truck. After the car was on the tow truck, I offered to take the man anywhere he wanted in town, rather than ride with the tow truck simply to the auto repair center.
The man smiled and accepted my offer. He told the tow truck man where to take his car, and then he strapped his daughter into my backseat, before climbing into the passenger side.
I drove the two of them to their house, or at least somewhere by their house, I'm not sure if it was their house exactly. The man smiled and thanked me profusely as he got out, collecting his daughter and setting off towards the house that I had pulled up in front of.
I went back to my apartment, full of happiness that I had helped to make someone's day a little better.
As for the plan that I alluded to yesterday, well, fortunately that plan is flexible, so I shall just save it for someday when it is needed.
Until next time,
B
Day 2
Greetings readers,
So, Day 2 has come and gone. I learned from my experience yesterday, or so I would like to believe. Either way, today's goal went a lot better than yesterday.
Today, I went back to the place where I used to work. As you may recall, my former manager knows about my situation.
Without going into detail, the place where I used to work is a retail store, mostly clothing with a few other odds and ends. The store is part of a strip mall.
Back on topic, I went to my old store. There, I talked to my old manager. With her permission, I hung out in the store for a while, gauging all of the shoppers. Considering the target audience of my old store, it was mostly parents with their kids, shopping for back-to-school supplies. I wandered around, pretending that I was shopping.
In the end, I found what I was looking for. A young man, I pegged his age to be 13-14, wandering the store with his mom. They were browsing clothes, and checking prices as they went. Having worked at the store, I knew what clothing was expensive, what is cheap, and what is in the middle. I noticed the young man browsing the clothing and picking things out, and the mom was the one checking prices and putting things back.
Now I have never been a person to judge others, but working in retail, you eventually gain the ability to pick out the various types of shoppers. The one's who have money to spend, the one's who are browsing without thought of buying, the budget-wise ones, and then there are the people who are buying things out of necessity, but really do not have money to spend.
The young man and his mom were in that last category. Once I knew who I was looking for, I went back to my former manager, who allowed me to take a position behind the register. I did not actually ring anyone out, my former manager did. I acted as the trainee person.
When the people that I had marked out came up to the register, my former manager rang them up, and announced their total as $0.00, or free.
The two of them were stunned. The mom had been digging in her purse, I'm guessing for her wallet, when she stopped and looked up. She asked if there was a mistake. My former manager calmly informed her that there was no mistake, and the total was $0.00.
After some back and forth between the two women, the woman let out a large smile, and took her bags with the new clothes. Thanking my former manager, she and her son walked out of the store.
I turned to my former manager and thanked her, before allowing her to let me pay for the purchase.
I left my old store, feeling happy, feeling accomplished. Perhaps my perception is skewed, but I feel as if I have done something good today.
I have a plan for what I am going to do tomorrow, but you, dear readers, shall have to wait until then to find out what.
Until next time,
B
So, Day 2 has come and gone. I learned from my experience yesterday, or so I would like to believe. Either way, today's goal went a lot better than yesterday.
Today, I went back to the place where I used to work. As you may recall, my former manager knows about my situation.
Without going into detail, the place where I used to work is a retail store, mostly clothing with a few other odds and ends. The store is part of a strip mall.
Back on topic, I went to my old store. There, I talked to my old manager. With her permission, I hung out in the store for a while, gauging all of the shoppers. Considering the target audience of my old store, it was mostly parents with their kids, shopping for back-to-school supplies. I wandered around, pretending that I was shopping.
In the end, I found what I was looking for. A young man, I pegged his age to be 13-14, wandering the store with his mom. They were browsing clothes, and checking prices as they went. Having worked at the store, I knew what clothing was expensive, what is cheap, and what is in the middle. I noticed the young man browsing the clothing and picking things out, and the mom was the one checking prices and putting things back.
Now I have never been a person to judge others, but working in retail, you eventually gain the ability to pick out the various types of shoppers. The one's who have money to spend, the one's who are browsing without thought of buying, the budget-wise ones, and then there are the people who are buying things out of necessity, but really do not have money to spend.
The young man and his mom were in that last category. Once I knew who I was looking for, I went back to my former manager, who allowed me to take a position behind the register. I did not actually ring anyone out, my former manager did. I acted as the trainee person.
When the people that I had marked out came up to the register, my former manager rang them up, and announced their total as $0.00, or free.
The two of them were stunned. The mom had been digging in her purse, I'm guessing for her wallet, when she stopped and looked up. She asked if there was a mistake. My former manager calmly informed her that there was no mistake, and the total was $0.00.
After some back and forth between the two women, the woman let out a large smile, and took her bags with the new clothes. Thanking my former manager, she and her son walked out of the store.
I turned to my former manager and thanked her, before allowing her to let me pay for the purchase.
I left my old store, feeling happy, feeling accomplished. Perhaps my perception is skewed, but I feel as if I have done something good today.
I have a plan for what I am going to do tomorrow, but you, dear readers, shall have to wait until then to find out what.
Until next time,
B
Monday, August 16, 2010
Day 1
Hello again,
So, on this, the first day of my new life. Things got off to a bit of a rocky start.
I had forgotten just how suspicious people are of random acts of kindness. Take for instance, my first attempt at doing something nice to a person, to see if they would smile at me.
I went to the grocery store across the street from my apartment. My original intention was to buy groceries, but as I was at the checkout line, behind me was an elderly lady, in one of the motorized shopping carts. She did not have many groceries, just a few things. As I was paying for my groceries, I handed the checkout woman an additional $40, and told her to use that to pay for the woman's groceries. I collected my things and left the store.
As I was loading my groceries into the trunk of my car, the elderly woman approached me, walking with a cane. Figuring she was only going to thank me, I turned towards her. Boy, was I wrong on that.
She started questioning me, asking why I paid for her groceries. Did she look like she could not afford her groceries? Did I want something from her? The questions came on and on. Finally, I was able to let her know that I was simply trying to be nice. I did not want anything from her in return, I just was attempting to do a good deed.
Once the woman understood that, she smiled, called me a nice, upstanding young man, and wished me a blessed day, before walking off with her cane. I finished loading up my car and drove back to my apartment, where, after unloading my groceries, I sat to think about what I learned from doing this.
Apparently, people are suspicious when others try and be nice to them. In order to accomplish my daily goal, I am going to need to be smarter about this, I think.
Oh well, I did accomplish my goal today, the woman did smile and she seemed happy, after some convincing. I just think that I may need to "plan out" my acts of kindness a bit more, instead of the random factor that I was originally intending to go for.
Well, I believe that it is time for me to sign off, so good night readers.
Until next time,
B
So, on this, the first day of my new life. Things got off to a bit of a rocky start.
I had forgotten just how suspicious people are of random acts of kindness. Take for instance, my first attempt at doing something nice to a person, to see if they would smile at me.
I went to the grocery store across the street from my apartment. My original intention was to buy groceries, but as I was at the checkout line, behind me was an elderly lady, in one of the motorized shopping carts. She did not have many groceries, just a few things. As I was paying for my groceries, I handed the checkout woman an additional $40, and told her to use that to pay for the woman's groceries. I collected my things and left the store.
As I was loading my groceries into the trunk of my car, the elderly woman approached me, walking with a cane. Figuring she was only going to thank me, I turned towards her. Boy, was I wrong on that.
She started questioning me, asking why I paid for her groceries. Did she look like she could not afford her groceries? Did I want something from her? The questions came on and on. Finally, I was able to let her know that I was simply trying to be nice. I did not want anything from her in return, I just was attempting to do a good deed.
Once the woman understood that, she smiled, called me a nice, upstanding young man, and wished me a blessed day, before walking off with her cane. I finished loading up my car and drove back to my apartment, where, after unloading my groceries, I sat to think about what I learned from doing this.
Apparently, people are suspicious when others try and be nice to them. In order to accomplish my daily goal, I am going to need to be smarter about this, I think.
Oh well, I did accomplish my goal today, the woman did smile and she seemed happy, after some convincing. I just think that I may need to "plan out" my acts of kindness a bit more, instead of the random factor that I was originally intending to go for.
Well, I believe that it is time for me to sign off, so good night readers.
Until next time,
B
Saturday, August 14, 2010
The Beginning
Greetings,
My name... is not important, simply call me B. Who I am and what I do is also not important.
All you need to know is that I was born on October 14, 1988. I am 21 years old, male, and at the time of this posting, my 22nd birthday is in 2 months.
I may not live to see my 22nd birthday.
Last month, in July of 2010, I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. What the disease is, is not important. What is important, is that last month I was told that I had one year to live, with treatment. I asked the doctor how long I would live without treatment. He told me that it was 3 months.
Being a college student, I have very little money, and cannot afford treatment. Even after a rather lengthy lecture from the doctor about the benefits of treatment, I refused treatment. The doctor then gave me a long list of things that I should do that could help me, foods to eat, exercise, etc. I left the hospital, a heavy weight on my shoulders. That night in my apartment, as reality set in, I did something that I have not done for a long time. I called my parents.
Now, it should be noted that while I am effectively separated from my parents, they do still send me money each semester for my tuition. Rather than being out of love or anything, they do it more out of obligation.
I picked up my cell phone and called home. My mom answered the phone. I asked about her and my dad, and after some awkward small talk, I told her the news. I do not know what I was thinking or imagining when I called my parents, but my mom's response was around their normal one. She told me to stop making things up, and then hung up the phone.
I cried that night, for the first time in forever. I was depressed and withdrawn over the next 2 weeks. I have never been a particularly social person, so I really did not have any close friends to care about me, except for one. Her name, I will not reveal. I will refer to her as R.
R came over to my apartment one night, about 2 weeks after I was diagnosed. Since R is my best friend, and I have no one else to rely on, she is the keeper of the spare key to my apartment. She let herself in, and found me sitting on the couch, the trash and detritus from 2 weeks of not going out scattered around.
Rather than be disgusted, she sat down next to me and talked to me. I did not say anything for a while, but she just sat there next to me. Eventually, her persistence won out and I broke down. I told her everything that the doctor told me. She held me on that trashy couch, and let me cry on her. I do not know how long we sat like that, but eventually, she forced me off the couch and told me to go take a shower and put on some fresh clothes.
When I got out of the bathroom, she had cleaned up the apartment, bagged up all of the trash, and was in the process of washing the dishes. We talked that day, late into the night. About what, does not matter. It was that conversation, however, which has driven me to start this blog.
One of the things that we talked about, and the only on relevant to this blog, was what I was going to do with my remaining time. I told her that I had no idea, it was not something that I had ever thought about before. She asked me to think about something that makes me happy, and that I should spend the rest of my time doing things that make me happy.
I thought about it for a long time. I have spent the last 2 weeks thinking about it. I like music, movies, video games, reading, and cooking. However, these are all things that I normally do. They are things that I have done before in the past. I have a limited time left, I want to spend it doing something new.
The answer came to me one day in an epiphany. I wanted to do something new, and something that would make me happy. I thought about all of the sadness that has befallen me in my life. Hardships, tragedies, and more mark my life. I have never been a particularly happy person, and I thought about the times when I was happy. Almost 100% of the time, it was because of the actions of someone else. A friend, and teacher, and random stranger.
I realized that I now knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my time. I wanted to see other people become happy. I talked to R, and she is in agreement with me. Helping other people to be happy, is a good goal, something worthy to do with my life.
I have decided upon 2 things:
First, that I will not enroll myself in the fall semester at college. If it turns out that I do not die, then I can go back to school, no problem.
Second, I have quit my job. I explained to my manager what was going on, making her the second person besides myself and R to know my secret. She understood and wished me luck.
My goal is simple: I will try and make at least one person happy, at least one person smile, each day. Aiding me are 2 things, $10,000 that I have in a bank account. I see no need to keep the money, after all, you cannot take it with you after you die, and if I can use it to make someone else happy, then all the better. The other thing aiding me is my best friend, R. For now I can still drive and take care of myself, but once I can no longer do those things, she will drive me, and help me with whatever I need.
Starting tomorrow, I will record each day, and each thing that I do to bring happiness to someone else, in this blog. I may not post every single day, some posts might have 2 or more days in them, it simply depends on how I feel each night. The doctor warned me that as time passes, I will grow weaker, and become unable to do exhausting things. Eventually, even walking will be a problem. I will become apartment ridden, then bed-ridden. There will be pain, but that I can deal with.
I want to dedicate my life, what is left of it, to making other people happy, to seeing them smile. This blog shall be my testament to that.
For now, I shall finish this post, and tomorrow shall begin Day 1 of my pursuit.
Until next time,
B
My name... is not important, simply call me B. Who I am and what I do is also not important.
All you need to know is that I was born on October 14, 1988. I am 21 years old, male, and at the time of this posting, my 22nd birthday is in 2 months.
I may not live to see my 22nd birthday.
Last month, in July of 2010, I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. What the disease is, is not important. What is important, is that last month I was told that I had one year to live, with treatment. I asked the doctor how long I would live without treatment. He told me that it was 3 months.
Being a college student, I have very little money, and cannot afford treatment. Even after a rather lengthy lecture from the doctor about the benefits of treatment, I refused treatment. The doctor then gave me a long list of things that I should do that could help me, foods to eat, exercise, etc. I left the hospital, a heavy weight on my shoulders. That night in my apartment, as reality set in, I did something that I have not done for a long time. I called my parents.
Now, it should be noted that while I am effectively separated from my parents, they do still send me money each semester for my tuition. Rather than being out of love or anything, they do it more out of obligation.
I picked up my cell phone and called home. My mom answered the phone. I asked about her and my dad, and after some awkward small talk, I told her the news. I do not know what I was thinking or imagining when I called my parents, but my mom's response was around their normal one. She told me to stop making things up, and then hung up the phone.
I cried that night, for the first time in forever. I was depressed and withdrawn over the next 2 weeks. I have never been a particularly social person, so I really did not have any close friends to care about me, except for one. Her name, I will not reveal. I will refer to her as R.
R came over to my apartment one night, about 2 weeks after I was diagnosed. Since R is my best friend, and I have no one else to rely on, she is the keeper of the spare key to my apartment. She let herself in, and found me sitting on the couch, the trash and detritus from 2 weeks of not going out scattered around.
Rather than be disgusted, she sat down next to me and talked to me. I did not say anything for a while, but she just sat there next to me. Eventually, her persistence won out and I broke down. I told her everything that the doctor told me. She held me on that trashy couch, and let me cry on her. I do not know how long we sat like that, but eventually, she forced me off the couch and told me to go take a shower and put on some fresh clothes.
When I got out of the bathroom, she had cleaned up the apartment, bagged up all of the trash, and was in the process of washing the dishes. We talked that day, late into the night. About what, does not matter. It was that conversation, however, which has driven me to start this blog.
One of the things that we talked about, and the only on relevant to this blog, was what I was going to do with my remaining time. I told her that I had no idea, it was not something that I had ever thought about before. She asked me to think about something that makes me happy, and that I should spend the rest of my time doing things that make me happy.
I thought about it for a long time. I have spent the last 2 weeks thinking about it. I like music, movies, video games, reading, and cooking. However, these are all things that I normally do. They are things that I have done before in the past. I have a limited time left, I want to spend it doing something new.
The answer came to me one day in an epiphany. I wanted to do something new, and something that would make me happy. I thought about all of the sadness that has befallen me in my life. Hardships, tragedies, and more mark my life. I have never been a particularly happy person, and I thought about the times when I was happy. Almost 100% of the time, it was because of the actions of someone else. A friend, and teacher, and random stranger.
I realized that I now knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my time. I wanted to see other people become happy. I talked to R, and she is in agreement with me. Helping other people to be happy, is a good goal, something worthy to do with my life.
I have decided upon 2 things:
First, that I will not enroll myself in the fall semester at college. If it turns out that I do not die, then I can go back to school, no problem.
Second, I have quit my job. I explained to my manager what was going on, making her the second person besides myself and R to know my secret. She understood and wished me luck.
My goal is simple: I will try and make at least one person happy, at least one person smile, each day. Aiding me are 2 things, $10,000 that I have in a bank account. I see no need to keep the money, after all, you cannot take it with you after you die, and if I can use it to make someone else happy, then all the better. The other thing aiding me is my best friend, R. For now I can still drive and take care of myself, but once I can no longer do those things, she will drive me, and help me with whatever I need.
Starting tomorrow, I will record each day, and each thing that I do to bring happiness to someone else, in this blog. I may not post every single day, some posts might have 2 or more days in them, it simply depends on how I feel each night. The doctor warned me that as time passes, I will grow weaker, and become unable to do exhausting things. Eventually, even walking will be a problem. I will become apartment ridden, then bed-ridden. There will be pain, but that I can deal with.
I want to dedicate my life, what is left of it, to making other people happy, to seeing them smile. This blog shall be my testament to that.
For now, I shall finish this post, and tomorrow shall begin Day 1 of my pursuit.
Until next time,
B
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