The Beginning

Greetings,

My name... is not important, simply call me B.  Who I am and what I do is also not important.

All you need to know is that I was born on October 14, 1988.  I am 21 years old, male, and at the time of this posting, my 22nd birthday is in 2 months.

I may not live to see my 22nd birthday.

Last month, in July of 2010, I was diagnosed with a terminal disease.  What the disease is, is not important.  What is important, is that last month I was told that I had one year to live, with treatment.  I asked the doctor how long I would live without treatment.  He told me that it was 3 months.

Being a college student, I have very little money, and cannot afford treatment.  Even after a rather lengthy lecture from the doctor about the benefits of treatment, I refused treatment.  The doctor then gave me a long list of things that I should do that could help me, foods to eat, exercise, etc.  I left the hospital, a heavy weight on my shoulders.  That night in my apartment, as reality set in, I did something that I have not done for a long time. I called my parents.

Now, it should be noted that while I am effectively separated from my parents, they do still send me money each semester for my tuition.  Rather than being out of love or anything, they do it more out of obligation.

I picked up my cell phone and called home.  My mom answered the phone.  I asked about her and my dad, and after some awkward small talk, I told her the news.  I do not know what I was thinking or imagining when I called my parents, but my mom's response was around their normal one.  She told me to stop making things up, and then hung up the phone.

I cried that night, for the first time in forever.  I was depressed and withdrawn over the next 2 weeks.  I have never been a particularly social person, so I really did not have any close friends to care about me, except for one.  Her name, I will not reveal.  I will refer to her as R.

R came over to my apartment one night, about 2 weeks after I was diagnosed.  Since R is my best friend, and I have no one else to rely on, she is the keeper of the spare key to my apartment.  She let herself in, and found me sitting on the couch, the trash and detritus from 2 weeks of not going out scattered around.

Rather than be disgusted, she sat down next to me and talked to me.  I did not say anything for a while, but she just sat there next to me.  Eventually, her persistence won out and I broke down.  I told her everything that the doctor told me.  She held me on that trashy couch, and let me cry on her.  I do not know how long we sat like that, but eventually, she forced me off the couch and told me to go take a shower and put on some fresh clothes.

When I got out of the bathroom, she had cleaned up the apartment, bagged up all of the trash, and was in the process of washing the dishes.  We talked that day, late into the night.  About what, does not matter.  It was that conversation, however, which has driven me to start this blog.

One of the things that we talked about, and the only on relevant to this blog, was what I was going to do with my remaining time.  I told her that I had no idea, it was not something that I had ever thought about before.  She asked me to think about something that makes me happy, and that I should spend the rest of my time doing things that make me happy.

I thought about it for a long time.  I have spent the last 2 weeks thinking about it.  I like music, movies, video games, reading, and cooking.  However, these are all things that I normally do.  They are things that I have done before in the past.  I have a limited time left, I want to spend it doing something new.

The answer came to me one day in an epiphany.  I wanted to do something new, and something that would make me happy.  I thought about all of the sadness that has befallen me in my life.  Hardships, tragedies, and more mark my life.  I have never been a particularly happy person, and I thought about the times when I was happy.  Almost 100% of the time, it was because of the actions of someone else.  A friend, and teacher, and random stranger.

I realized that I now knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my time.  I wanted to see other people become happy.  I talked to R, and she is in agreement with me.  Helping other people to be happy, is a good goal, something worthy to do with my life.

I have decided upon 2 things:
First, that I will not enroll myself in the fall semester at college.  If it turns out that I do not die, then I can go back to school, no problem.
Second, I have quit my job.  I explained to my manager what was going on, making her the second person besides myself and R to know my secret.  She understood and wished me luck.

My goal is simple:  I will try and make at least one person happy, at least one person smile, each day.  Aiding me are 2 things, $10,000 that I have in a bank account.  I see no need to keep the money, after all, you cannot take it with you after you die, and if I can use it to make someone else happy, then all the better.  The other thing aiding me is my best friend, R.  For now I can still drive and take care of myself, but once I can no longer do those things, she will drive me, and help me with whatever I need.

Starting tomorrow, I will record each day, and each thing that I do to bring happiness to someone else, in this blog.  I may not post every single day, some posts might have 2 or more days in them, it simply depends on how I feel each night.  The doctor warned me that as time passes, I will grow weaker, and become unable to do exhausting things.  Eventually, even walking will be a problem.  I will become apartment ridden, then bed-ridden.  There will be pain, but that I can deal with.

I want to dedicate my life, what is left of it, to making other people happy, to seeing them smile.  This blog shall be my testament to that.

For now, I shall finish this post, and tomorrow shall begin Day 1 of my pursuit.

Until next time,
B